


Klance Oneshots

by demiboy_demon



Category: Voltron - Fandom, Voltron Legendary Defender, vld - Fandom
Genre: Don’t copy to another site, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-02
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2020-06-02 23:02:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 13,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19451278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demiboy_demon/pseuds/demiboy_demon
Summary: Nico is approached in the mall by a guy calling him ‘Keith.’Lance approaches Keith in the mall, but Keith is weirdly hostile.This is the first Klance oneshot I wrote that I haven’t taken down due to poor writing.





	1. Salami

"Guys," Hunk said, "You know how we're visiting Balmera tomorrow?"

"Yeah. What about it?" Pidge asked.

"I'm going to hang out with Shay, since you won't need me during the diplomacy meeting. But I need some advice."

"Ooh. Love advice?" Lance asked, laying upside down on his chair, "I'm an expert at that kind of thing."

"Says the virgin," Pidge mumbled.

"Hey!" Lance objected. "I am not a virgin!" 

Hunk and Pidge looked at Lance with raised eyebrows. "You're not?"

Lance's face flushed. He glanced at Keith in the corner, who had an angry look on his face. Keith was shaking his head like, 'Lance, don't mess this up.'

"Um, I mean, yeah. No, I had a girlfriend back on Earth. Her name was, um, Salami?"

"You had a girlfriend named Salami?" Pidge asked. 

"Why is this the first I'm hearing about her?" Hunk asked, hurt. 

"I don't talk about her much." Lance improvised, "She's really ugly, so her parents named her Salami. Because she looked like a salami when she was born. But I see past her hideous exterior. I know the real Salami."

"Kinda mean to call your girlfriend ugly." Pidge said. 

"If you have a girlfriend, why do you flirt with aliens so much?" 

"I need to keep my skills fresh, for when I see Salami again. She demands the smooth moves. She's ugly, but she's very high maintenance."

"Why do you keep calling her ugly? That's mean." 

"What? I'm not saying it's a bad thing," Lance explained, "It's just a thing. Like how Shay is a rock. Hunk, your girlfriend is a rock. You aren't in a position to criticize my preferences with the ladies."

"Hey! Shay is amazing. Don't disrespect her like this."

"I never said she wasn't amazing. Just that my girlfriend, Salami, is great, too. Plus, what's with all the questions?" Lance put his hand over his heart. "Do you not believe me? I'm hurt." 

"Sorry, Lance." Hunk said, "We believe you. We're just curious because you've never mentioned her before."

"I'm still not sold." Pidge said, "I mean, Salami? What kind of name is Salami? Why didn't she change it?"

"It's hard to change your name once you've enrolled in the Garrison."

"I did it."

"Oh, so now that you've done it, she has to do it, too? My girlfriend isn't a sheeple like you, Pidge."

"I'm not a sheeple. I'm an originator."

"Ignore her," Hunk said, "Do you have any pictures?"

Lance looked uncomfortable. "Um, yeah. Of course I do. But you can't look at them."

"Why not?" 

"Because, uh, they're all nudes." Lance said. Keith, still in the corner, smacked his head against the wall.

"How did you get those into space?" Hunk asked.

"I had them in my jacket the night we found the blue lion."

"You had nudes in your pocket?"

"Yes. And you can't look at them, because Salami is embarrassed of her weird, hideous body."

Keith smacked his head against the wall again. "Why?" He groaned. 

"Anyway, I have to go write my nightly letter to Salami."

"I'm gonna go, too." Keith said. "Not with Lance, just go in general. I'm going to polish my armor. I'll walk with you, Lance."

"Salami?" Keith asked. "You're so bad at improvising."

"I think I did a good job. No one suspects we're a couple." Lance said.

"Okay, yeah. I'm very happy you didn't tell the group. But Salami? Why didn't you pick a normal name?"

"I don't do well under pressure."

Pidge quietly opened Lance's room's door. She was going to get to the bottom of this. She crept around Lance's room. 

"How is his room messier than mine?" She thought aloud.

Finally, after rummaging through a ton of clothes and trash, she found something that looked promising. A red ornate box with a note on top. 'LANCE'S- DO NOT OPEN' is what the note said. Pidge ignored this and opened the box. 

"Bingo." She said. Inside we're pictures of Lance with a girl. The girl looked suspiciously like Keith, but with salami for a face. It was not a nude.

Pidge stepped back, examining the picture. Suddenly, a sword flew out of the box and impaled the place Pidge had been standing. 

"Pidge?" Lance asked from behind her. "What the quiznack are you doing in my room?"

Pidge held up the photo, "Is this Salami?"

"Yes, she is."

"She looks kinda like Keith with a picture of salami taped over her head."

"I told you she was ugly. Now get out of my room." 

"Did you set up that knife to almost kill me?"

"Yes. That's what you get for opening my box."

Lance shoved Pidge out and locked his door. He breathed a sigh of relief. Pidge didn't suspect a thing.


	2. Solangelo Crossover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nico is approached in the mall by a guy calling him ‘Keith.’
> 
> Lance approaches Keith in the mall, but Keith is weirdly hostile.
> 
> This is the first Klance oneshot I wrote that I haven’t taken down due to poor writing.

"Keith! Wait up!" A tall, lanky man yelled as he ran up to me, calling for 'Keith.' He touched my shoulder, which is obviously unacceptable. I grab his hand and twist his shoulder, bringing him to his knees in pain. "Aaah! What the Quiznak?"  
"Stop touching random boys in malls!"  
"Oh my god, we're boyfriends. Why is your voice weird? And why are you hurting me? Is this because I filled all your clothes with peanut butter and you had to fight in Pidge's?" I sneer at this liar. "Did Leo put you up to this? Jason?"  
"What?" He asked, "It's me, Lancey-Lance. God, if I wasn't in such a vulnerable position right now, I would slap you. In a way where you knew it was playful but it still kinda hurts a little because you just dislocated my arm and you deserve a little smack right now."  
I open my mouth to speak when I hear a voice from behind me. "Nico, look what I found! It- Nico, let him go." I turn my head to see my boyfriend standing there, holding a small notebook and two food court milkshakes. I let Lancey-Lance go, but only because Will told me to. 

He hands me a milkshake and starts apologizing to Lancey. "Hi, I'm Will. I apologize for my boyfriend." Aw. That's what he said when his dad arrived at camp. I have a strong urge to say, "Could you not?" Oh gods, that when we first started dating.  
"Yeah, he totally just broke my shoulder!" Lancey says angrily. Will smiles uncomfortably. "You're arm's fine. Um, don't ask how I know. I just do." Will stands there next to him for a while as Lancey glares. 

"So im guessing you aren't Keith?" Lancey asks in an angry voice.  
"No. I'm named Nico. Sorry about the whole almost breaking your arm thing, Lancey."  
"Just Lance is fine." Lance says, disregarding the name he had told me previously. He plucks the milkshake right from my hand. "This is payment for the medical bills."  
"Lance, why are you stealing milkshakes from this guy?" We hear a voice from behind us . I turn around to see a man holding a Victoria's Secret bag full of knives and meat tenderizers. "You can't take people's shakes because they bother you."  
"There you are! This guy," Lance points to me, "Looks just like you. I thought he was you, and he broke my arm."  
"Your arm is fine." Will says.  
"I don't see the resemblance." The man I assume is Keith says as he looks at me with squinted eyes.  
"Neither do I." I say.  
"Are you kidding?" Will says, grinning mischievously, "Y'all are twins. You have the same mullet."  
"I don't have a mullet!" I groan, pulling at my non-mullet hair. "Not every slightly long hair style is a mullet! Dear gods, I swear, if you say I have a mullet one more time, I will pull a sword on you so quick you'll really regret ever meeting me."  
"I could never regret meeting you."  
"Dammit, Will. That's so sweet and it makes my threat sound cute somehow." 

Keith POV  
Why's this kid being so defensive about his hair? Embrace the mullet. 

"Oh my god, Keith." Lance says, rubbing his forehead after the other couple had left to get the smaller one another milkshake. "This is not what I meant."  
"You said I should get something sparkly from Victoria's Secret. These knives are shiny and silvery."  
"You know this was not what I..... Why do they even sell knives in a lingerie store?"  
"They were under some underwear that said 'Rooster Teeth' on them."  
"Why were you looking at rooster teeth underwear?"  
"I thought it was cool!"


	3. Stripper

Keith hates parties. Well, he usually hated parties. This one was- well, to be honest, it was just as bad as other parties. Keith hated it. At least it was just with the other paladins and Coran. No local aliens, but that didn't make it much better. 

Keith was sitting alone, thinking about how terrible this party (and all other parties) was.   
"Yo!" Lance cheered from a staircase. "Who wants to watch me strip on the staircase? Keith? Pidge? Any takers?"  
Keith's head shot up. Maybe parties weren't so bad after all. 

Lance started clumsily dancing and taking off his shirt.   
"Woohoo!" Keith cheered.  
"Nope!" Shiro yelled. "Absolutely not! You've had too much nunvil!" 

Shiro walked over and picked up Lance. He carried him to his room and locked him inside.   
"Noooo. Shiro. Let me fulfill my destiny and become a stripper."

Shiro sighed sadly. This is what he left Adam for. This is what he left Earth for. He shook his head at himself as Lance screamed through the door.


	4. Shiro Gives Lance Romance Advice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance asks Shiro for advice about his crush on Keith.

“Shiro?" Lance asks, looking back at Shiro nervously. 

"Yeah, Lance?" He responded, happy that they were going back to Earth. Shiro was, for the moment, riding with Lance. Coran was with Allura, Matt was with Pidge, and Keith was with Krolia. 

Since Krolia had only ever been in Texas, she had no idea what the rest of Earth was like. She just assumed it was all Texas. Lance tried to tell her that most people don't wear cowboy hats and boots with spurs. Krolia didn't seem to want to listen. You could tell she was related to Keith, all right. Mullet, anger issues, a tendency to not listen to things Lance said.

"Well," Lance continued. "I'm- uh, did you have a girlfriend back on Earth?" 

Lance had the perfect plan. He was going to get Shiro talking about his girlfriend and how much he loved her, then Lance would tell him he was bi. If Shiro got mad, Lance could remind him about how Lance loves guys just like Shiro loves his girlfriend. 

"No, I don't." Shiro responded, shaking his head. 

‘Well,’ Lance thought, ‘There goes my plan.’

"I have a boyfriend, though. Fiancé, actually. Well," Shiro looked out the window into space. "Ex fiancé."

"You're gay?" 

"I'm surprised you didn't know. I don't try to hide it." 

Memories flashed in front of Lance's eyes. Shiro saying, 'that's so gay, I love it.' His rainbow socks that he got at the Space mall. The fact that he never flirted with alien women. Not even when they flirted first, which Lance thought was ridiculous. How he commented on Coran's mustache. Lance supposed even a straight man could comment on his mustache, but it was what Shiro said. "Dang, that mustache is hot." At the time, Lance didn't think much of it. Just that Shiro was trying to bring the team closer together.

"Damn." Lance said. "I am not as smart as I thought I was." 

Shiro laughed. "Anyway, Lance what did you want to say?" 

Lance took a deep breath. Knowing you won't be rejected is helpful, but it doesn't make what you have to say easy. "I'm bisexual." 

Shiro just looked at him, gesturing for Lance to go on. When Lance didn't go on, Shiro was slightly confused. "Wait, that's it? Um, I mean, good for you! Looks like your bayard is now a bi-yard." 

Lance laughed nervously. "There's, um, there's more. You know Keith?" 

"No, Lance. I don't know Keith, the boy I helped raise. Who's Keith?" 

Lance glared at him. "You're not making this any easier, Shiro." 

"Go ahead, what were you saying?" 

"I'm.. in love with your brother." 

Shiro stood up. Lance wondered if he had always been this tall and intimidating. 

Shiro raised his arms in the air, his fists clenched. "Woohoo! You're officially the last person to know!" 

"Man, I'm switching you out for Coran the first chance I get."


	5. Rom-Coms

"Keith," Keith heard from the vent. He took out his knife and cautiously made his way over. He opened the vent, knife at the ready. "Pidge? Why the quiznack are you in my vent?"

"Because you like Lance." Pidge said. 

"Why would you come into my vent for that?"

"So you admit it's true. Good. I'm in your vent because Lance likes you back and you're both too dumb to do anything about it."

"I'm not dumb!"

"What's the square root of eleven?"

"I don't know! I dropped out of school when I was 13."

"Dumbass. Anyway, I want to get you two together. I'm so sick of the sexual tension."

"I don't— what? Pidge, Lance doesn't like me back."

Pidge scoffed. "Doesn't he?"

"What do you mean?" Keith asked. 

Pidge climbed out of the vent and held up a list. "Two weeks ago, Lance got you flowers from the planet we landed on. The next day, he hit on you for a full half hour. On Friday, when you said you were getting used to riding black, he said 'I'd ride you anytime,' and I slapped him. Yesterday night, he can into my room and talked about your butt and your hair for three hours before I kicked him out."

Keith considered this. "Fine. Maybe Lance likes me."

"Finally you listen to reason."

"I'll ask him out."

"What? No. We've got to do this right. I'm thinking hot. I'm thinking classy. I'm thinking a rom-com meet cute."

"Ugh, why?"

"Because the only way to make sure a relationship lasts is to be really, really cliché about it."

"Um.... are you sure? That seems wrong."

"Are you the romance expert, here?" Pidge asked. "No? I didn't think so. Shut your mouth."

"What did you have in mind?" Keith asked.

"Well," Pidge said, "My first idea is this; You hold a bunch of papers. You stand where Lance can't see you very well, so he bumps into you, and you spill the papers. Then he picks them up for you and he hands them back to you. When he hands you them, you stare deeply into his eyes. Then you whisper, 'thanks,' in the cutest, most awe struck voice you can muster."

Keith nodded his head. "Yeah, no. Not doing that."

"Why not?" Pidge whined.

"Because I'm not a pretty little schoolgirl who carries papers around and whispers stuff."

"You could be. You've got the build for it."

"Absolutely not. What other ideas do you have?"

"Okay. This one is more dignified. You spill orange juice on Lance during lunch. Then, you invite him to go to your room and get changed."

"Why would I do that? Our rooms are the same distance away from the dining hall. It would be faster for him to go to his own room. Plus, I don't have any of his clothes."

"It's not supposed to make sense. It's an excuse to hang out together. Plus, you get to see him shirtless, which is always fun."

"Pidge, you're a pervert."

"Okay, next plan. You and Lance both reach for the last pair of black gloves. Then, your hands touch, and you kiss."

Keith glared at her. "That's not going to happen."

"Okay. Fifth to last one. You try to kill yourself. Then, Lance kisses you and you realize that life is worth living."

"That is so wrong on so many levels. First, faking depression is disgusting. Second, I might actually die. Third—"

"Fine! We won't do that one. How about you become a prostitute. Lance is a famous business man."

"I'm done with this, Pidge. I'm just going to ask him out normally." Keith said.

"What about When Harry Met Sally? Before Sunrise? Love Actually? Maid in Manhattan? The Wedding Planner? Speed? My Big Fat Greek Wedding? Three Weddings and a Funeral? Dunstin Checks In? 50 First Fates? Failure to Launch?"

"How many romcoms have you watched?"

"Hundreds."

"Get out."

Pidge scowled and crawled back in the vent. "What about—"

"No!"


	6. Krolia Threatens Lance

Klance  
"Lance!" Krolia said as the rest of the group left the table. "Can I speak to you for a moment?" 

Lance swallowed. It was no secret that he was terrified of Keith's mom. "Sure."

"I don't like you."

"Very blunt. I like it." 

"But Keith does. He thinks you would be a suitable mate." 

"A suitable- Keith likes me?"

"Obviously."

"Hm. I thought we were rivals."

"You are. But he's always liked you. Even back at the Garrison."

"How do you know that?"

"We saw each other's memories on the space whale. He likes you. A lot."

"But you don't."

"So sorry that the place you hold in my heart is not a place of endearment." Krolia said, poking her finger at Lance. 

"I have a place in your heart? That's sweet."   
"Don't push it."

"I'm just saying," Lance said, "Your son loves me apparently, so maybe you should, too."

"The only reason I'm talking to you is to let you know," Krolia started.

"That if I hurt him, you'll kill me?"

"He will kill you. I don't need to do that. I wanted to let you know that Keith's favorite food is fries and his favorite drink is hot chocolate. You'll need to know this if you want to court him."

Lance looked around the room. "You're okay with me dating Keith?"

"Ideally, no. But it's not my choice to make. It's Keith's. And apparently, he chooses you."

"Keith, your mom said something weird." Lance said, creeping up on the other boy. 

Keith almost stabbed him. "Don't sneak up on me when I'm training."

"My bad."

"What did my mom say?"

"She said you liked me."

"Yeah. You and I are a good team." 

"She said you wanted to mate with me." 

Keith dropped his sword in surprise. He turned around and faced Lance, face flushed pink. "I don't know why she said that."

Lance smirked, enjoying how flustered Keith was getting. "She said she saw your thoughts on the space whale."

"That's nonsense. The space whale only shows memories. So even if I did want to, um, mate with you, she wouldn't have seen it."

"That's not what she said." 

"Well, that's what I'm saying. And they're my thoughts, so I think I would know." Keith picked his sword up off the ground and walked away.


	7. Ignored

Keith's phone was broken. It was a real bummer. Now he couldn't read his Mothman fanfiction or look at desert art online. Worst of all, he couldn't respond to any texts. 

Lance was in Cuba, visiting his family for the weekend, but he promised he would text every day. Unfortunately, Keith's phone was broken and he wasn't getting any texts. Lance didn't know this. He thought Keith was ignoring him.

Lance: Dude, are you mad?  
Lance: Why aren't you responding?  
Lance: Keith?  
Lance: My buddy?  
Lance: My man?  
Lance: Ignoring me, huh?  
Lance: You know what? Fuck you, too.

Keith opened the door to the phone repair shop. The phone repair person waved at him. "Hi! What can I help you with?"  
"Hello. My phone won't turn on." Keith said.  
"Bring it here. Ah. Did you drop it in anything?"  
"My dog chewed on it and then tried to bury it underground. I took it from him, but not after he dropped it in mud."

The phone repair person nodded and walked over to a kiosk. She opened a drawer and pulled out a hammer and some ice. She put the ice in a baggy and smashed it with the hammer.  
"Um... what's that for?" Keith asked.  
"Fun." The lady took the bag and placed the phone inside it. Then she shook up the bag and sung 'She works hard for the money.' 

She took it out of the bag and handed it to Keith. Keith clicked the 'on' button, and to his surprise, it turned on. He had 45 texts.   
Shit, Keith thought, Lance must be so worried and upset. 

Keith thanked and payed the woman who fixed his phone, then left the shop. As soon as he was outside, he texted Lance back.

Keith: So sorry, Lance. My phone was broken. What's up? 

Lance responded almost immediately. 

Lance: Oh, crap. I don't realize your phone was broken. I thought you were ignoring me. Oops.  
Keith: Lance, I wouldn't ignore you. You know that.  
Lance: I'm an insecure bitch. We've established this. 

Keith smiled and got on the bus to go home. 

Lance: Also, I did something that might make you mad.

Keith was alarmed. When Lance said that, it meant something was very wrong. 

Keith: What did you do?  
Lance: I ordered you a cake.   
Keith: That doesn't sound too bad. I like cake.  
Lance: There's more. You'll know once you read what the cake says.  
Keith: What does the cake say?

As soon as Keith heard what was on the cake, he called his brother.   
"Shiro!"  
"Hey, Keith. What's up?"  
"Did a cake arrive at the apartment by any chance."  
"Oh. Um, yeah."  
"Did you open it? Did you read what it said?"  
"Unfortunately. Is this cake for you or for me? Because I don't think Adam sent this."  
"It's humiliating, but it's for me. Lance sent it."  
"Were you ignoring him?"  
"My phone was broken, remember?"  
"Oh, right. Well, when you get home, let's eat some cake, I guess."

Keith got home and went into the kitchen. He looked at the cake. Shiro looked at him. Keith sighed. 

Don't ignore me, it read, I sucked your dick.

This was going to take some explaining.


	8. Lance Gets Scammed

"Lance, this is a scam." 

"No, Keith. Your face is a scam."

"Oh, wow. Venomous burn." Keith rolled his eyes. 

"It's not a scam! I get the car, they keep the title. It's the perfect deal! I pay less and I don't have to lug around a piece of paper. Why would I want the title, anyway?"

"Because the title is what says you own the car," Keith explained patiently.

"I don't care what other people think. I know in my heart that it's my car. Why won't you trust me?" Lance asked, making a pleading face.   
Keith couldn't tell if this was annoying or cute. He wished there was a word that was in the middle. Cutnnoying. Yes. Lance was cutnnoying.

Keith sighed. "Fine. I support you."

*two weeks later*  
Lance was hungry. He needed to buy a snack, because he swore that if he didn't eat in one second, he would die.

"Fine, drama queen," Pidge said from the backseat, flipping through her magazine. 

Lance went into the gas station's shop. He loved gas stations in the morning. The smell of gas, the sound of hot dog and taquito warmers, the aura of calm. He grabbed some chips and a soda and checked out, his mind wandering to places that he would later forget he thought. 

He looked around the parking lot for his car, but it was gone. Pidge was gone. Lance immediately took out his phone and called Pidge's cell, stumbling a bit as he frantically dialed. No answer, so he texted instead. 

Lance: PIDGE! Where are you?  
Pidge: I was sitting in the car, when this REPO guy came and took the car. I told you not to do a title scam.  
Lance: Pidge, you need to get out of that car.  
Pidge: Nah, man. I need to see how this plays out. I'm gonna have a great story to tell.   
Lance:......  
Pidge: Gotta go. I'm about to attack him. I have the element of surprise on my side.

Lance wasn't sure if Pudge won the fight or not. At the moment, he didn't really care. As long as Pidge got a few good punches in, he was happy. He was not happy about the fact that his car was now totaled. 

"See, Keith." Lance said, "It's good that I didn't own the car. Now I don't have to pay for the damages."

"You still have to pay, Lance."

"What?!"


	9. Conspiracies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter only has background Klance, and is more focused on Keith’s conspiracy theory blog.

It started, as all the best stories do, with insomnia. 

People do weird things when they’re tired. Some people feel drunk, or get really sad for no reason. Others’ memories get worse, or they lose focus easily. They have tough times making decisions, and get really lonely.

Pidge didn’t do any of these things. Instead, when they were tired, they found themself watching random videos on YouTube and craving cheese. 

Pidge wasn’t sure how they stumbled into the conspiracy theory corner of YouTube. They weren’t a fan of conspiracies even in the slightest. Most of them were dumb and easily disproven. 

And yet, here they were, scrolling though videos on the Kennedy assassination and whether GMOs were good or bad.

Eventually they stumbled upon a video called, ‘Aliens Exist and have been to Earth- CONFIRMED!’ 

Pidge scoffed. Yeah, aliens were real, but none of the so called ‘alien sightings’ people had experienced were. They clicked on the video

“Hey everyone,” said a voice on the computer. The person speaking popped onto screen, and Pidge almost threw their computer in shock. 

Keith Kogane, the red paladin of Voltron, had a conspiracy theory blog. 

It took Pidge a moment to fully recover, but they eventually calmed down enough to think rationally. 

‘Just because Keith used to have a conspiracy blog doesn’t mean he still does,’ They told themself.

Pidge looked at all of the videos Keith had posted and laughed. All of the videos’ titles had ‘confirmed,’ ‘debunked,’ or something similar next to them. 

Pidge went to the least recent video. Keith was much younger in it, maybe 15. He didn’t have much of a mullet yet, and his jacket actually fit him. The video was labeled, ‘The government poisoned alcohol during the prohibition- CONFIRMED’

The next one was called ‘Beyoncé is the leader of the Illuminati- DEBUNKED’

All of the videos were similar to the first two. Pidge laughed at them for a while.

Then they got to the more recent ones. After they got over the shock that Keith was still running this blog, even here in space, they decided to look at the newer videos.

‘There’s a secret energy force under the caves- CONFIRMED’

‘The government staged the Kerberos pilot error- CONFIRMED’

‘I’m part cat- PARTIALLY CONFIRMED’

‘Mothman exists- NOT YET CONFIRMED’

Pidge stopped laughing. Mothman? Keith believed in Mothman?

They clicked on the video. Weird techno music started playing.

“Hey, everyone,” Keith said, popping on screen. “Today we’re here to discuss my personal favorite cryptid, Mothman. Does Mothman exist? I say yes, and here’s why; There have been several sightings of a supposed Mothman over the years, the first claim happening in November, 1966.”

Pidge watched the whole hour long video. When they were done, they were surprised to find that Keith had some good points. Was Mothman real? 

Pidge stopped themself midthought. They shook their head. Of course Mothman wasn’t real. That was an urban legend. 

But what wasn’t a legend was that Keith was a conspiracy nerd. To his credit, he didn’t believe in any of the more ridiculous theories, but just the fact that he thought he was part cat before he found out about Galra was disturbing.

Maybe it was because they had just watched hours of weird videos, and those were messing with their brain, but Pidge decided that they would have to investigate. The next day, they assembled the best and brightest.

“Wait-” Hunk asked, “You want us to investigate Keith to see if he’s Mothman?”

“That’d be kinda hot.” Lance said.

“No, you idiots,” Pidge berated, “I just want to see if Keith’s, like, hiding something.”

“What would Keith be hiding?” Hunk asked.

“He’s probably hiding a lot of stuff,” Lance said, “But just because he’s a private guy, not because he’s Mothman.”

Pidge rubbed their forehead. “Are you guys helping me or not?”

They snuck into Keith’s room when they knew he was busy training with Shiro. 

Shiro and Keith always trained for hours when it was one on one, because they both enjoyed the challenge, along with the time it gave them to talk about their lives.

In other words, it was the perfect time to snoop.

“His room is so clean,” Lance said as soon as they had entered the room. He narrowed his eyes. “Too clean. Suspicious.”

“If this is suspiciously clean to you, you need to clean your room more,” Hunk replied. “This is normal clean.”

“Just because nothing suspicious is lying out in the open doesn’t mean there’s not anything hidden,” Pidge said. “I’ll check the vents for anything. Hunk, you check his closet, Lance, check under his bed.”

Pidge crept over to the vent and pried it open. “Nothing in here,” They said disappointedly. 

“Wait,” They realized. They crawled into the vent.

“Pidge, what are you doing?” Lance asked.

“There’s a bend in the vent,” They explained, crawling back out again. This time they were holding a plain wooden box.

“Holy quiznack.” Lance said.

“What’s in it?” Hunk asked.

Pidge shrugged. “Your guess is as good as mine.”

“So stop guessing and open it!” Lance insisted, pushing past Pidge and opening the box himself. 

The box was full of knives, all of them different. There were some daggers, some pocket knives, some switchblades, and even some kitchen knives.

“Knives?” Hunk asked. “That’d be concerning if it was anyone other than Keith.”

Pidge sighed. “I’ll put this back. You two keep looking.

“Nothing in here but a camera,” Hunk said, gesturing to the closet. “The dude has, like, one spare outfit, and that’s his Blade suit. He doesn’t even have any pajamas.”

“That’s just further proof that he’s nuts,” Lance said, “Only crazy people sleep in jeans.”

“I think those are leggings,” Hunk said. 

“Whatever. I found something way weirder, anyway.” Lance said. 

Hunk walked over to him. 

“What is it?” Pidge asked, still over by the vent.

Lance held up a notebook. “I found his diary.”

“We probably shouldn’t read that,” Hunk protested, but Lance had already flipped open to a random page.

“Hm,” Lance frowned, “It just has weird symbols over and over again.”

“That’s probably Korean,” Pidge said, not looking at the notebook. “Keith was born there, according to Shiro.”

“No, I know what Korean looks like.” Hunk said. “This is something else.”

“Yeah, Pidge,” Lance complained, “I’m not dumb, I know what Korean is.”

Pidge sighed. “I’ll come look at it.”

They walked over to the boys and frowned. “That’s.... Galran? I think that’s the official Galra language. It looks like he’s trying to learn it, based on how it’s just the same letters over and over.”

“Why does he want to learn the Galra language?” Hunk asked, “Just for fun?”

“Learning languages is the opposite of fun.” Lance said, “It’s like practicing algebra to relax.”

Pidge shook their head. “Probably for the Blade of Mamora. They’re mostly composed of Galra, so it makes sense for them to use the language.”

Lance flipped through the pages until he came across something in English. “Keith McClain?” 

Keith McClain was written a few times in different fonts on the page he was looking at, along with some heart doodles.

“That’s my last name. What do you think this means?” Lance asked. 

“It obviously means Keith is in the Illuminati and is secretly part lizard.” Pidge said sarcastically. 

Lance didn’t recognize the sarcasm. “You think so? I guess it’s possible, he’s already part Galra.”

“I don’t think that’s what it means,” Hunk said, blushing and scratching the back of his neck.

“I know what it means,” Keith’s voice said from behind them.

“Ahh!” Pidge yelled. “Keith!”

“Keith,” Hunk said, “We weren’t snooping!”

“What does it mean?” Lance asked, poking Keith’s chest. “That’s my last name. If I’m involved in this, I demand an answer.”

“It means,” Keith said, pulling a knife from his legging pocket, “That you all have a ten second head start. Start running.”

Everyone took off as fast as possible. 

Keith considered chasing them, but ultimately decided that the other hiding in fear was punishment enough, and that Shiro would be mad if he found out Keith had stabbed any other paladins. 

Keith took the diary and shoved it back under his bed. It wasn’t where he hid his most private secrets, so he wasn’t too upset about that part. He kept his more private secrets in his head. What bothered him was that his teammates had gone through his stuff. 

He pulled the camera out from his closet and set it up. 

“Hey, everyone,” He said, “Today I’m here to discuss the theory of why my fellow Paladins are terrible. I will provide detailed examples.”

Keith squinted at the camera. “And by the way, Pidge. I know you’re watching. Good luck getting any sleep after this one.”


	10. Love in Area 51

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance wants to clap them alien cheeks.

Lance adjusted his helmet and looked in his car’s mirror. He had trained his whole life for this. Now, it was time to act. Time to raid Area 51. 

Lance stepped out of his car and walked over the the ever growing crowd. Pidge was already there. They must’ve beaten him. “Yo, Pidge!” Lance shouted. 

Pidge looked at him from the crowd. They were wearing cosplay armor modeled after Captain America. “Hey, Lance! You ready to see some aliens?”

“Hell yeah!” He yelled back. “Gonna clap some alien cheeks!”

Pidge made a face of disgust. 

At exactly 3 am, Lance heard a shout. Everyone turned to the entrance and stuck their arms behind their backs like Naruto. 

“Charge!” A voice yelled, and everyone ran. 

The crowd surged forward, Naruto running past the guards. 

The guards started shooting, and needless to say, the raiders were not faster than the bullets. Their saving grace was that, surprisingly, someone had planned for this. A cosplay replica of Thor’s hammer hit the heads of the guards and knocked them out. 

Even though the guards were unconscious, many had still died from the bullets. 

‘War is Hell,’ Lance thought as he Naruto ran into the building with the other raiders.

After running for a couple minutes, they met a fork in the hallway. 

“Those freeing aliens go down the left corridor!” One of their leaders shouted. “Those collecting classified data go down the right!”

“Well, Lance,” Pidge said to him, “This is where we say goodbye. May our paths cross again someday.”

“Godspeed, Pidge,” Lance replied before turning and running with the others freeing aliens.

Eventually they came to a room full of aliens trapped in glass cages. It wasn’t a very big room, so there were only about ten aliens in total. All of the aliens looked vaguely human.

One of the aliens noticed the raiders and stood up in their prison. “Who are you? What do you want with us?”

“We come in peace!” One of the raiders said. “We’ve come to free you.”

A cheer went up amongst the prisoners. 

“Wait!” An alien cried, “There are others.” She pointed to a metal door at the end of the room that the raiders hadn’t entered through. “They’re being kept there.”

The leader of the raiders turned to his team. “You all go free the others. I’ll take care of these ones.”

Lance ran with the others into the room behind the metal door. 

Surrounding them were rows of aliens of different species, most contained in tall, greenish blue glass tubes. A few of them were in purple glass tubes, and a couple were in clear glass tubes. Lance wondered if there was any significance to the colors. 

Unlike in the last room, every alien here was sedated. They were all standing up. It looked like they had been frozen in place. 

The raiders with him began breaking open tubes and shaking aliens awake. Lance walked toward the end of the hall where no one was yet. He heard the glass crunching beneath his shoes and hoped that the aliens that were being freed had shoes. 

Lance looked at the tubes toward this end of the hall. The glass over here was all purple. 

Lance’s eyes landed on one of the aliens. ‘This guy’s cute,’ He thought, ‘I’ll break him out and then I can finally clap them alien cheeks.’

Lance took the crowbar from his backpack. It didn’t look like the tube could be pried open, but the crowbar could be used to smash the glass. 

“Hee-yah!” Lance yelled in triumph as he swung the crowbar. The crowbar made a small crack in the glass. “Hm. That’s not ideal. This’ll take a while.”

After several minutes of hitting, the glass finally shattered. ‘Thank goodness. I don’t think I could handle much more of this.’ Lance thought. ‘My arms are so damn tired.’

Now that the glass was gone, Lance was finally able to properly look at the alien he was freeing. His skin was purple, which Lance was not expecting. He had thought that the skin had just looked that way because of the colored glass, but he didn’t really care. He figured it would be racist to not date an alien because they were purple. 

Lance gently shook the alien’s shoulder. “Wake up, man. We gotta get you outta here!”

The next thing he knew, he was pinned to the ground. The alien he had saved had tackled him, and now his arms were pinned above his head. Lance looked over to the other raiders, none of whom seemed to notice his predicament. They were busy with their far less violent, far less purple aliens. 

Lance looked up to the alien he had saved. “Hey, the name’s Lance. We doing this now? Figured I’d have to take you out to dinner first, but I’ve got nothing against fucking in Area 51.”

The alien above him made a face. “What the ever loving quiznack?”

“Oh,” Lance said, feeling both slightly led on and mildly disappointed. “You weren’t straddling me?”

“I mean,” The alien said, “I guess. I was attacking you, so not really, though.”

“Hm,” Lance shrugged, “I guess I could be into that.”

The alien got off him completely. “You don’t seem interested in experimenting on me. Why are you here?”

“I wanted to free the aliens,” Lance explained, “And get an alien boyfriend.”

“And.... you chose me?” The alien looked taken aback. 

“Yeah, but you don’t have to be my boyfriend if you don’t want. What’s your name?”

The alien looked at him suspiciously for a moment, scanning his face for a hint of dishonesty. “Keith.”

“Well, Keith,” Lance said, “How would you like to free your friends.”

Keith looked around at the other aliens in tubes. “They aren’t my friends. But I’ll help your crew free them.”

Lance looked over to the other raiders. Many of them were still freeing aliens and drawing closer to the place Lance had wandered to, but none of them seemed to notice that Keith was much less out of it than the other aliens who had been unfrozen. 

“Why are you purple?” Lance asked. 

“I’m Galra,” Keith answered. “We’re purple.”

“Oh.” Lance said, feeling a little stupid. “And the other aliens we’ve freed so far have just been different species?”

Keith nodded. “If they weren’t purple, then yeah. Probably.”

“Then that’s why you’re more alert than them?”

“Yeah. Galra are better at recovering from poison than other species.” 

Keith walked over the the tube next to his. “I got it,” Lance said, holding up his crowbar. 

Keith didn’t listen. He lifted his fist and smashed it against the glass, shattering it instantly. 

“Woah,” Lance said, “That’s hot.”

Keith didn’t respond. He just moved onto the next cell.

“We’ve got all of ‘em!” A raider shouted. “Let’s go before Area 51 reinforcements get here!”

Everyone ran out. The aliens who were still recovering from the anesthetic were being carried by others. It was truly the image of unity. 

They passed through the room where the non-sedated aliens used to be. No one was there anymore. Lance hoped that they had gotten out safely. 

Lance saw Pidge running with their group, holding a box labeled ‘confidential.’ 

“Yo, Pidge!” Lance yelled. “We saved the aliens!”

“Don’t be so sure yet,” One of the other raiders said. “We’ve got company.”

An Air Force agent was standing there, holding a large gun. “Nobody move!” He yelled. “I have the clearance to use deadly force!”

Keith’s ignored the man’s warning. He stepped forward. “Shiro?”

The man with the gun looked shocked. His mouth was gaping. “K- Keith? You’re alive?”

Keith ran toward Shiro. Shiro ran toward Keith. “Keith, I’m so happy you’re alive. They told me you were dead. What happened to you?”

The other raiders took Shiro’s momentary distraction as a window to flee. Shiro didn’t go after them. 

“I was being kept here,” Keith said. “With the other aliens.”

Shiro put his hand to his mouth. “I had no idea. I wasn’t allowed to know about anything other than data necessary to my missions. If I had known aliens were being kept here- If I had known you were being kept here-”

“It’s fine,” Keith assured him. “But we need to get out.”

“Yeah,” Lance piped up, “If I die here, Hunk will never let me here the end of it.”

Lance realized that neither of them knew who Hunk was, but he figured he’d explain later. 

“So,” Lance said as they ran, “How do you two know each other?”

“We’re brothers,” Keith said, sounding far less out out breath than Lance was.

“So you’re both aliens?”

“Half-brothers,” Keith clarified. 

“And, Shiro, you didn’t know what they were doing to your brother?” Lance asked.

“I don’t come to Area 51 often,” Shiro explained. “Just here today to get information on my prosthetic, actually. It’s been working better than any others I’ve had.”

“Galra technology, probably.” Keith said, “Some of the Galra I was experimented on with said Galra technology is better than human’s.”

Shiro stopped cold in his tracks. “You were experimented on?” 

Keith grimaced. “We can talk about it later.”

They reached the door Lance had entered through. He saw his car in the distance. The guards that had been taken out earlier were still laying on the sandy ground, along with the fallen raiders. 

Lance, Keith, and Shiro took off running toward Lance’s car, hoping to get there before any reinforcements could get them. 

“Hey!” A man yelled. Lance turned and saw a guard. He must have woken up from earlier. 

“Dammit!” He cursed. The guard wasn’t holding a gun, but he was still muscular and tall. Lance wasn’t sure he’d be able to take him down.

“I’m on it,” Keith said, running toward the guard. 

Lance watched as Keith and the guard wrestled with each other for a moment before Keith hit him in the jaw and knocked him back out. 

“Nice,” Lance said when they were in the car. 

“Small talk later,” Shiro said, “Right now we need to get as far away from here as possible, as fast as possible.”

“No problemo,” Lance assured him. He patted the dashboard of his car, “This baby can go up to 120 miles an hour.”

Lance sped onto the highway, hoping no one noticed that his car actually only went about 80 mph. Either no one noticed, or they were too polite to point it out.

“Yo, Hunk!” Lance shouted into the restaurant’s kitchen. He walked in with Keith trailing behind him. They had dropped Shiro off at Lance’s apartment so he could call his husband and let him know what was going on.

“Adam’s going to be pissed at the Garrison for taking Keith,” Shiro had said. “I need to tell him as soon as possible so he won’t be pissed at me for not telling him right away.”

“Good call,” Keith had said, “A pissed off Adam is a scary Adam.”

Lance didn’t comment on any of this, because he didn’t know who Adam was, but he figured that if he and Keith were going to get together, he would probably meet him eventually. 

Now, though, he was taking Keith to meet Hunk. Hunk was going to be shocked when he found out about Keith and Area 51. 

“Hey, Lance,” Hunk said without looking up from the food he was making, “How was Area 51?”

“It was cool. Woulda been better if you had gone.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t get killed by a guard,” Hunk replied.

“They tried, but they couldn’t shoot this face.” Lance said, “Right, Keith?”

“Who’s Keith?” Hunk asked. He looked up and screamed, dropping the spoon he had been using to stir his food. 

“Hi, I’m Keith,” Keith said, sticking out his hand for Hunk to shake, “I’m Lance’s alien boyfriend.”

‘Nice,’ Lance thought, ‘I guess he’s my alien boyfriend.’

Hunk just stood there gaping for a second before regaining his composure. He shook Keith’s hand. “Pleasure to meet you.”

Hunk looked at Lance in disbelief, “You actually got into Area 51?”

Lance nodded, “Yep.”

“And there actually were aliens there?”

“Yep.”

“And you actually freed them?”

“Right-o.”

“And then one of them was actually willing to date you?”

“Don’t sound so surprised!” Lance protested, “I’m a catch.”

“Lance is a beyond suitable mate,” Keith interjected.

Hunk looked uncomfortable, “I’m just surprised that aliens exist.”

“We do indeed, although I am half human.”

“How does that work?” Hunk asked.

Keith shrugged. “I was not privy to this information during my period of captivity, and I was unaware of my heritage until this period. You could ask my half-brother, Shiro. He knew our father better than I did.”

Hunk nodded. “Neato. Want some Palusami?”


	11. Crush

Lance groaned and kicked the blankets off himself. He just couldn’t sleep. 

After another fitful hour of trying, and failing, to get some rest, Lance gave up, deciding to instead get a snack.

“I just- argh!” Lance heard Keith’s voice say from inside the training room. 

Lance peeked inside. Keith was alone in there, apparently talking to himself. He was wearing the same thing he always did. Lance wondered if the guy even had pajamas. 

“I can’t keep having these thoughts!” Keith shouted, attacking the training bot with more fury than Lance had ever seen use on a bot. 

“It’s just a stupid crush, I refuse to let it destroy me.” Keith said. 

Lance watched Keith defeat the bot. 

“Stupid emotions.” Keith mumbled when he was done. “Begin training level 3B.”

Lance didn’t end up getting a snack. He just ran back to his room. 

He wracked his brain. Who could Keith like? 

It’s not like he hadn’t thought about it before. It’s just that it had never really been a serious question. Lance had always assumed that Keith was an emotionless robot, but to find out that he had a crush.... this opened up so many new doors. 

‘Hmm,’ Lance thought, ‘Keith doesn’t know that many people. It’s either someone on this ship or it’s an alien.’

Lance decided he’d start with the people on the ship, since he could talk to them in person. 

“Hey, Allura.” Lance said in the morning, approaching the princess. 

“Hello, Lance,” Allura responded, not looking up from the tablet she was working on. 

“Working hard or hardly working?” He asked. 

When Allura didn’t respond, Lance kept talking. “I think Keith has a crush on you.”

This made Allura look up. Lance was surprised to see that she was smiling. “Are you joking?” She asked.

“I wish.” 

“Keith does not have a ‘crush’ on me.” Allura said. “I believe that he is interested in.... someone else.”

“What?” Lance asked. “Who?”

“Whom,” Allura corrected. “And it’s not really my business to tell you. Even if it were, I’m quite busy with battle strategy for defeating the Galra Empire.”

Lance groaned. “Fine. I’ll go ask Pidge. They’ll tell me.”

“Yo, Pigeon!” Lance shouted. 

Pidge jumped up a bit in surprise. “Don’t sneak up on me like that!”

“Whatever,” Lance said. “Do you know who Keith likes?”

Pidge raised an eyebrow. “Duh. I’d be surprised if anyone didn’t know.”

“Who is it? Allura? You?”

Pidge scoffed. “No way.”

Lance frowned. He dramatically draped himself over a work table. 

“Watch it!” Pidge complained, catching a gadget that Lance had knocked off the table. 

“So who does he like?” Lance whined. “If it’s not a girl on the ship, who is it? Some Arusian girl? Maybe that Acxa chick? Oh, God. Is it Nyma?”

Pidge deadpanned at him. “Keith is gay.”

Lance sat up abruptly. “What?!”

“And don’t accuse me of outing him,” Pidge continued, “Because he’s not even in the closet.”

“Keith’s gay?”

“Didn’t you see him flirting with Rolo?”

Lance gasped. “He likes Rolo?”

“No way,” Pidge said. “Not after what happened with him.”

“But you do know who it is, right?” Lance asked. “Tell me.”

Pidge rolled their eyes. “You’re not very bright.”

Lance stormed off after he was insulted. 

‘Keith’s gay, huh?’ Lance thought. ‘That narrows down the possibilities. Oh, I bet it’s Shiro. Shiro’s hot, and he’s super close with Keith. I’ll ask him.”

“So.... Hey, Shiro,” Lance said, way too casually for anyone to think he was carefree.

“Hey, Lance.” Shiro replied, putting away the sword he was using to spar with a bot. “What’s up?”

“So,” Lance said, “Keith has a crush on someone.”

Shiro smiled widely. “That’s great! You finally figured it out. I’m happy for you guys. Just make sure that it doesn’t impact the team in a negative way, okay?”

“What?” Lance asked. “I don’t know what you’re on about. I came to ask you if you know who he likes.”

Shiro’s face fell. “Oh. You don’t know.”

He took his sword out again. “I can’t tell you who it is.”

Lance froze. “Wait. You know who it is?” 

‘Hm.’ Lance thought, ‘So it’s not Shiro.’

“Yes, Lance,” Shiro said, “And I can’t tell you. What kind of brother would I be if I went around telling Keith’s secrets?”

“Brother?” Lance asked, “You have a brother?”

Shiro laughed. When Lance didn’t laugh too, he stopped. “Wait, you’re serious?”

Lance gestured for him to go on. 

“Keith is my brother, Lance. Did.... did you not know that?”

Lance’s brow furrowed. “Wait. What?”

“It’s common knowledge. How did you not know?”

“You’re brothers? Like, family-wise?”

Shiro sighed. “I can’t deal with this right now, Lance. Maybe ask Keith.”

‘Of course!’ Lance thought. ‘Who would know Keith better than Keith?’

Lance spent a long time looking for Keith. He eventually found him sulking in the castle living room. 

“You can be real hard to find when you wanna be, you know that?” Lance said. 

Keith shrugged. “It’s not like I was hiding.”

Lance sat down next to him. “So, how’ve ya’ been?” 

Keith shrugged again. 

“Cool. So, anyway, a little birdie told me something about you, and I have some questions.”

Keith looked at him with a bored expression on his face. “What is it? Did Shiro tell you my birthday? Traitor.”

Lance shook his head. “No. The bird told me that you have a crush.”

Keith’s facial expression didn’t change. “By bird, do you mean mouse? Because those mice are liars.”

“No, the mice didn’t tell me anything.” Lance said. “But anyway, who’s your crush?”

Keith rolled his eyes. “We’re fighting a war, Lance. I don’t have time for romance.”

“Keeeiiiitttthhhh,” Lance whined, stretching Keith’s name out as far as he could. “Tell meeee!”

Keith grimaced. “Well, he’s a dumbass, for one thing.”

“So it’s a he?” Lance asked.

“Not this again,” Keith groaned, “You’ve got terrible gaydar.”

“I do not!”

“Remember when you tried to set Shiro up with that alien queen? Even though he had mentioned his fiancé on Earth several times before?”

“Well, I hadn’t heard him mention him before.”

“He talks about Adam constantly.”

Lance narrowed his eyes at Keith. “Stop changing the subject. Who do you like?”

Keith didn’t answer. He just stood up and walked away. Lance followed him, but he couldn’t see where Keith went.

Eventually, he decided to go to Hunk. He wondered why he hadn’t asked his best friend about this whole thing sooner.

“Hey, Hunk!” Lance said, walking into the castle’s kitchen. 

“Hey, Man,” Hunk responded, briefly looking up from the sauce he was stirring. “What’s up?”

“Apparently, Keith has a crush, and everyone knows who it is except us. How insane is that?”

Hunk looked up at him again. He raised an eyebrow. “What are you talking about? I know who Keith likes. He’s not exactly subtle about it.”

“He’s never mentioned his crush around me,” Lance whined. 

“Why do you care so much, anyway?” Hunk asked, going back to stirring. 

“I care about all you guys.”

“Yeah, but not this much.”

“I don’t like Keith, okay?”

“I didn’t say you did.” 

“You implied it.” Lance walked over to see what Hunk was stirring. “Watcha making?”

“I’m trying to replicate Hollandaise sauce with this godawful goo.” 

Hunk lifted up the spoon and watched the goo drip back into the pot. “I’ve got the consistency down, but it still tastes like grape jelly.”

Lance sighed. “Keith’s so mysterious. He won’t even give me any hints about who he likes.”

Hunk shook his head. “I need to concentrate on this. Can we talk about your weird obsession later? Or never?”

“Fine. We can talk later.” 

Lance sat upside down on his bed with his legs against the wall. 

‘Who does he like?’ Lance wondered to himself, ‘Who’s left?’

Pidge and Allura were out, along with an alien girl or one of Lotor’s generals, because Keith was gay.

Shiro was out because apparently, he and Keith were brothers. Lance was still reeling a bit from that, and even more from the fact that they thought he knew.

Hunk was out, because Hunk said he knew, and if it was Hunk, Hunk would probably act way more awkward around Keith.

So who was left? Coran? Lance sure hoped not. 

Rolo? They hadn’t seen Rolo in a while, and Pidge said Keith was over him.

Matt? Maybe. Matt was good looking, but Lance could hardly imagine Pidge being so laid back about Keith crushing on her brother.

Bih Boh Bih? Ew.

Lotor? Lance could see that. Lotor and Keith were both half Galra, and they both had daddy issues. Even Lance had to admit that Lotor was attractive. 

Maybe Lance didn’t know him. Or maybe it was someone from the Garrison. That Kinkade guy was hot the last time Lance had seen him, and James Griffin had recently gotten better-looking, too.

Lance groaned. He really needed to sleep, or his skin would break out and then he’d never have a chance with Keith-

“Wait, what?” He said aloud, confused and upset by his own thoughts. “I don’t like Keith!” 

‘Then why’d you worry about having a chance with him?’ His brain asked him.

“Shut up, brain! I just meant that even he won’t like me, with his low standards. If I can’t be attractive to him, I have no chance with someone hot.” Lance said to himself. 

‘So you don’t like him?’ His brain asked.

Lance wished his brain would just shut up. “No, I don’t like him! He gets angry so easily, and he seems like the kind of guy who smokes, and he’s a dumbass, and mullet is ridiculous, even if it does look soft and kinda nice, and even though his eyes are the color of tanzanite, and he’s just the right amount of muscular, and-”

Lance froze. “Oh, fuck,” He realized, “I like Keith.”

It took Lance a long time to fall asleep after that realization. 

“Hunk!” Lance cried out, bursting into the room where Hunk was sitting. 

“Hey, man.” Hunk responded, “What’s up? We were just-” 

“I’m in love with Keith!” 

Hunk looked confused. “Yeah? And?”

“And it’s upsetting!” 

“I mean, Keith’s a cool guy,” Hunk said, “Liking him isn’t the worst thing in the world.”

“But he’s in love with someone! I literally spent all day yesterday trying to find out who it is! And I still don’t know!”

“Are you telling me that you genuinely didn’t know you like Keith?” Hunk asked.

“No! I had no idea,” Lance said, hands clutching at his hair. “I’m a dumbass, just like Keith’s crush.”

“You’re getting warmer,” Keith said.

Lance swore he felt his heart stop. He looked at the seat next to Hunk’s. Sitting there was Keith. 

“Keith?” Lance asked, though it came out as more of a squeak. “How long have you been here? Didn’t see you come in.”

“I was already here when you interrupted Hunk’s and my conversation,” Keith said. 

“I was trying to tell you when you came in,” Hunk said. “We were talking about my hollandaise sauce replica.”

“And so,” Lance continued, “You heard all of that?”

Keith nodded. 

“Even the bit about how I like you?”

Keith nodded again. “I mean, you said love, but same difference.”

Lance sighed and put his head in his hands. “This is a real low for me.”

“I’m not that bad, am I?” Keith asked.

“He thinks you don’t like him back,” Hunk explained. 

“That’s dumb,” Keith said. He looked at Lance. “It’s you, Lance. You’re the guy I like.”

Lance processed this. “Me?”

Keith nodded. “Yeah.”

“Oh.” Lance said. He began awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck. He was so smooth with all the alien women he flirted with, but when he actually liked someone, he was hopeless. How was that fair?

“Well, in that case,” Lance said, “Want to go out sometime?”

“Sure.” Keith said.

“Well!” Hunk said loudly, standing up and rubbing his hands together. “That was the least romantic, most uncomfortable date proposal I have ever witnessed. Congrats, you two.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kind of hate the ending, but I’ve been really sick (chronic illness, baby) and I’m too tired to write it better.


	12. Fancies & Farmers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Voltron post season 8 fix it fic in which Lance discovers Keith’s love for him. Background Adashi and Lotura.

‘Dear Lance,

So many universes. All of them saved, because of us. 

Maybe I should have been wearing green socks, huh? Then she’d still be alive, and you wouldn’t have loved me, but you would have been happy. 

I spent years on the back of a whale. I saw visions of the past and the future. I saw myself as a baby and I saw my grave, abandoned and covered in moss. It was in desperate need of a pressure washing, but I wasn’t alive to wash it.

That pressure washing thing was a joke, by the way. Thought it’d help lighten the mood, but... it didn’t. 

But what I didn’t tell you was that I saw into other realities on the whale, too. I saw one where the galaxy is ruled by enormous crystal aliens and you’re a food truck vendor. I saw into one where all of us are in high school and I have a really cool motorcycle and an addiction to smoking (but I’m trying to quit.) I saw into one where I pretend to be your boyfriend because you bribe me and wash my clothes. I saw into one where you’re an Altean and I’m full Galra, and another where you’re an Altean prince and I’m your guard.

I even saw into a universe where you’re a stripper, and I have to admit, you pulled it off. The look, not the clothes. I mean, you pulled those off, too. But that wasn’t what I meant. 

Maybe I should have left that one out.

The thing is, in all of those universes, you and I are in love. A two way, reciprocated love, not just me watching you cry over Allura and not knowing how to console you. Not just me trying to move on from someone who never saw me that way. 

That’s the thing that’s hardest for me. You never loved me like that. I really did imagine all of it, and knowing that hurts more than any physical wound ever could. Those soft smiles you gave me, when you came to me for advice, the banter. None of it meant you loved me, and you never meant for it to mean that. I misread it, and that’s one hundred percent on me. 

In one of my favorite realities, you’re still the red paladin, and I’m still the black one, and Allura still pilots Blue. Everything is the same other than the universe being fixed without her dying, and you love me back. 

I should be happy knowing that you and I are are happy and together in every universe but this one. But I’m not, because I love the you in this universe.

People say you’re stupid, but you’re not. You’re so fucking smart, it makes my mind reel sometimes. You say these goofy comments and jokes and people think, ‘oh, a dumbass’ but they’re the dumb ones, because they aren’t willing to look past your jokes and see the person behind them. The Lance who is the best strategist and who always has my back. The Lance who knows exactly what he has to offer. 

I probably won’t send this. You’re not over Allura, and for some reason you think being a farmer is a good career choice for you (I don’t even know what’s going on there, some kind of mid life crisis? A complete personality swap? A possession? Maybe you’ve had a stroke? Idk, man. It makes no sense.) but I still love you and I just wanted to write this down. 

Keith’

Lance hadn’t bargained for this. He had wanted some juicy gossip and had gotten a folder full of love letters addressed to himself. 

Had Keith liked him for this long? How had Lance not realized? Looking back, it made sense. Why Keith was so upset when Lance pretended to forget the bonding moment, why he had chosen him during that weird game show, why he had left for the Blade when Lance was scared of not being needed.... How had he not seen it?

It’s not like Lance had wanted to read years worth of angst-ridden lust mail, it just kind of happened. One minute, he was reading the first one, the next he was thanking his lucky stars that Keith hadn’t gotten home yet, because Lance had been there for two hours longer than he had intended.

He made sure to close the cabinet they had been in, but take the most recent letter in case he later convinced himself that this was a fever dream. 

What broke his heart the most was that the most recent letter had been written only two days earlier. Keith had been depressed two days earlier, and no one had been there for him.

‘Well,’ Lance thought to himself as he drove away, ‘Maybe he talked to shiro about it. They’re brothers. I need to make sure Keith was able to confide in him.”

So Lance turned his car around and began driving back to Garrison property so he could pay Shiro a visit.

“Shiro,” Lance yelled, not bothering to knock and immediately regretting it. “Agh! What the fuck?”

“Lance?” Shiro asked, fumbling to cover up his body with the nearest object. “What are you doing here? Ever hear of knocking?”

“Shit!” Adam said before running into the other room. Lance decided to not watch him leave, and to block out the image of his naked body.

“Me?” Lance cried, “You’re the one having kitchen sex with your not actually dead fiancé.”

“It’s my house! I can have kitchen sex in it if I want to!”

“Why didn’t you lock the door? I am traumatized from seeing your dick! How is it even bigger in person?”

“In person? You’ve seen my penis before? How?”

“Fanart, Shiro! We’re very popular across the universe and you’re an absolute thirst trap! Of course there’s fanart of your dick!”

“What the Quiznack? How did I not know about this?”

“Can we discuss the fact that Adam is alive? It’s of bigger importance than- I mean, it’s of more importance than your dick!” 

Shiro sighed. “Let me get dressed first.”

“So he faked his death?” Lance asked, sitting in the living room with a now fully clothed Adam and Shiro. 

“Not on purpose,” Adam clarified, “My plane crashed and I was severely injured. I wasn’t able to get back to the Garrison to tell them I was alive until last week. Then they ran a bunch of tests on me to make sure I was really me and not a clone like someone,” Adam paused here to look pointedly Shiro. “When they were finally done with tests yesterday, they let me come see Takashi.” 

“And the first thing you two decide to do is to fuck in the same place you cook food?” Lance asked. 

“I mean,” Shiro said, rubbing the back of his neck, “That’s definitely not the first thing we did. Like he said, they released him yesterday. What did you come to talk to me about?”

“So, the thing is,” Lance said carefully, thinking about the best way to phrase what he wanted to say. If Shiro was half as protective of Keith as Keith was of Shiro, then Lance would have to do this right. 

“What is it?” Shiro asked, “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, I think so,” Lance assured him, “I’m just kind of worried about Keith.”

“What’s wrong with Keith?” Adam asked, “I haven’t gotten to see him yet, but he sounded fine over Skype.”

“Well,” Lance explained, “He didn’t say anything to me. I- um... I went snooping in his apartment and I found these letters-”

“Pretty sure reading someone else’s mail is a crime,” Adam said. 

“It’s wasn’t mail, exactly. And it was for me. He had written these letters to me saying he was in love with me going back to, like, when we were in space. The most recent one was written a couple days ago and he seemed really sad, talking about how I would never love him back.”

Shiro and Adam just looked at him for a moment. 

Eventually, Shiro spoke up. “Do you?”

“Do I what?” 

“Love him back.”

Lance started talking, about to say he didn’t, but he stopped himself. Did he love Keith? 

The last time he had liked someone was with Allura. He had said he loved her on their first date, and that didn’t end well, so he figured he should take it slower this time around.

But did he like Keith? Lance decided to make a pro and con list in his head. 

The cons for dating Keith were that he got angry easily, but that had decreased since the space whale. When he got stressed his eyes turned yellow and he grew fangs, but that was kind of cute. He was painfully blunt sometimes. He had a terrible mullet, and he didn’t like talking about his feelings. 

Pros for dating Keith.... He always valued Lance and saw him as a friend and an equal. He cared a lot about the universe’s wellbeing and greater good, which was endearing. He was fun to be around when he loosened up a little. He was selfless. He was cute when he was mad, and even cuter when he wasn’t mad. And his hair looked like it would be really nice to run his fingers through...

‘Yep,’ Lance confirmed to himself, ‘I am queer.’

“I think so,” Lance said, out loud this time.

“Are you sure?” Adam asked, “Keith really likes you, but he needs commitment. So many people in his life have abandoned him, so he needs something long term.”

Lance squinted his eyes. “Long term like Shiro, or-”

“Long term as in a committed relationship,” Shiro quickly interjected. “We’re not talking about penis size, Lance.”

Lance nodded. “Good, because I’m average.”

“I didn’t ever want or need to know that.”

“That’s rude. We can’t all have monster dongs, Shiro.”

“Enough,” Adam groaned. “Lance, can you handle a long term relationship with Keith?”

“I think so.”

“Then you have my blessing. But if you ever go through Keith’s things again without his permission, I will ruin your career.”

“Same here,” Shiro added. 

Lance decided not to tell them that he hadn’t been asking for his blessing. He also decided not to tell Adam that his career was currently failed impulse farmer, and that it was already an awful job that Adam couldn’t possibly ruin further. 

Lance wasn’t sure what he expected, but he didn’t expect being a farmer to be so boring and exhausting and gross. “Thank you, Adam.”

Lance got up and walked over to the door. “I’m going to go talk to Keith. You two can get back to getting dirty in your kitchen. You’ve been a big help. But still not as big as Shiro’s-” 

Adam closed the door before he could finish. This time, Lance could hear them lock it.

It did not occur to Lance until he was back in his car that he had no idea how to tell Keith he liked him. 

It’s not like he hadn’t dated people before. With his first girlfriend in kindergarten, all he had to do was give her his extra pretzels at snack time and she fell in love. Then when they broke up in first grade (with a surprisingly dramatic break up for kids so young,) Lance had been single until third grade, where he charmed his girlfriend with his Silly Bandz, Heelys, and Neopets account. 

Lance didn’t have any pretzels or Heelys,   
and he wasn’t sure if Silly Bandz even still existed. 

He forced himself to take a breath. He already knew Keith liked him, so he didn’t have to worry about rejection. The best thing to do was probably to do the opposite of what he did with Allura. So, don’t kiss a mouse, don’t let Keith die, don’t ask for Coran’s permission, take it slow, be gay. 

He could do all of that. 

But how was he going to tell Keith that he had read (and stolen- er, borrowed) the letter? Did he even need to bring that bit up? Keith surely wouldn’t notice it was gone. 

At least, that’s what he thought until his phone started ringing. Keith’s face popped onto his screen. 

“Hey, Keith,” Lance answered into the phone, putting it on speaker. He didn’t want to drive while on the phone, which he realized would probably be the least dangerous thing he had done while driving. 

“Lance,” Keith’s voice said, “Did you by any chance visit my apartment today when I was on a mission?”

Lance began to sweat. “Why? Is something wrong with it?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” Keith assured him, “It’s just that something’s missing.”

“What’s missing?” Lance asked, hoping Keith hadn’t been robbed when he wasn’t there. “Did you get robbed?”

“I doubt it. Nothing valuable is gone, just some... personal stuff. Mail, I guess.”

Lance wondered what kind of personal stuff had been stolen. Did Keith have a dildo stolen or something? 

It then donned on Lance that it had been him who had taken the personal item, which was the letter and decidedly not a dildo.

“Oh!” Lance said, “Um, I’m actually driving right now. Maybe we could talk in person?”

“Sure? I guess. But were you not driving when you answered the call?”

“No, I was.”

“Then why are you concerned now?”

“I’m a farmer, I don’t need to explain myself to you!” Lance panicked. “I’ll be at your house in 45 minutes.”

“You’re still doing that farmer thing? Whatever. Just don’t bring hay into my house, and we should be good.”

Lance turned his car around and drove to the nearest store. 

After staring at the selection of flowers and getting no where, he turned to the guy at the cash register. “What kind of grand romantic gesture would you do if you wanted to confess your love to someone after finding out they liked you by stealing their mail?” 

The cash register guy stared at Lance for a moment before shrugging. “I don’t know, weed, maybe?”

“Do you sell that here?” 

“I can sell you some out back in an hour when my shift is done.”

Lance considered this. “I said I’d be at his house in 45 minutes. Any other ideas?”

The cashier nodded. “Maybe roses? And, like, dinner?”

“You’re so wise.” Lance said, grabbing some roses and walking toward the canned food isle. He grabbed two cans of ravioli. He figured Keith liked canned food since he mostly survived off of it in the desert. 

Then he grabbed a $4 bottle of wine, because he wasn’t rich and he read an article saying all wine tasted the same anyway, to which he agreed. 

After knocking on Keith’s door, Lance went over what he was going to say. He had been practicing on the way there, but it wasn’t like there was a how to guide on this. Lance would know, he checked. 

Keith opened the door. “Hey, La- you brought me flowers?”

Lance took a deep breath and began saying what he had been practicing. However, after a moment, he forgot what he had meant to say and decided to wing it. “I want you to know that I found the letter you wrote me and I was a little shocked that you liked me, but then I thought about it and I feel the same way. I like you a lot and I’m sorry I broke into your house. I got you these flowers and dinner as an apology and also as a first date thing. Will you go out with me?”

Keith quirked his head forward in confusion, but accepted the flowers. “I.... what?”

“I like you, too.”

Keith just stood there for a moment. “You do?”

Lance nodded. “Yeah.”

“And how exactly did you find the letter?”

“Like I said, I found it when you were with the Blade.” 

Keith stepped aside and gestured for Lance to come in. “What’s in the bag?”

“Ravioli,” Lance said, putting the cans on the counter. “Since you lived off canned food in the desert, it’ll probably remind you of home.”

“What made you think I would want to remember that?” Keith laughed, taking out a pot for the food.

Lance opened his mouth to respond, but closed it almost immediately. Keith made a good point. “In my defense, I only realized I liked you earlier today. Also, I think my brain is broken from seeing Shiro and Adam having sex in their kitchen.”

“I mean, I figured you broke into my house,” Keith said, “But you also broke into theirs?”

“You knew I broke into your house?”

“Shiro wouldn’t have because he has a key, Pidge is busy with their experiments, Matt is in hiding because of his awful haircut, Hunk is on a food tour, and Adam is busy making out with Shiro. You’re the only person who could have done it and taken the letter.”

“And you’re not going to, I don’t know, kill me?”

Keith rolled his eyes and put the flowers in a vase. His voice took on a sarcastic tone as he replied, “I took a sacred oath to not kill farmers.”

Lance groaned as he filled two bowls with ravioli and sat them on Keith’s table. “Why did I think farming was a good idea?”

“I’ve been wondering that, too.” Keith said, “What were you even farming?”

“I have a cow, a lion, and some juniberries. Granted, the lion is a ship, but it still counts.”

“Why don’t you just give up? It doesn’t seem like you love farming too much. The Garrison could always use more instructors. I hear Admiral Shirogane’s looking for new flight teachers.”

Lance sighed and swallowed his ravioli. “I would, but I spent a lot of money on this farm, and I’ll lose even more if I quit. Pidge bet me fifty bucks I wouldn’t last 3 years. The only way out of this hole is to keep digging.”

“Maybe the reason you’ve failed at farming is because you don’t know how holes work. Digging makes them deeper.” 

Lance laughed. He had missed how bad at jokes Keith was. 

“I always assumed you ran your family’s farm or something.” Keith said. 

“My mom is a salesperson and my dad makes loyalty programs.”

“Then why did you buy a farm if it wasn’t a family business or something?”

“I was having a lot of stress and I read that gardening was good for stress relief.”

“Yeah, gardening. Not buying a farm.”

“You know me! I’m the definition of go big or go home. Only now, my home is a farm and I don’t want to go home because it smells like straw and manure.”

Keith made a face of disgust. “Ew. Have you tried Febreeze? I heard it can cover up the smell of bodies from someone at the Blade, but I don’t know if they knew that from experience or from a Febreeze commercial.”

“Febreeze just made it smell like straw, manure, and fake flowers, which is arguably worse.”

“I-” Keith began. Before he could finish his sentence, his phone started ringing. “Pidge?”

Keith stepped away from the table for a moment. “Yeah, he’s here. Why?”

Silence for a moment. Lance wondered if Pidge was talking about him. 

Lance saw Keith frown. “What? Are you sure? Yeah, that’s great! I’ll tell him.

Keith walked back over to the table. 

“Care to fill me in on what that was about?” 

“So,” Keith started, “You know how Pidge and Coran have been scanning the Milky Way for abnormal activity?”

Lance shot up. “Is it Galra? Like, bad ones? Or Honerva?”

“Nothing like that!” Keith quickly explained, “Well, something like that, I guess. But nothing bad. For you, I mean.”

Lance sat back down, but did not feel any calmer. This was apparently visible on his face, because Keith began to elaborate. 

“So Pidge picked up this ship. They said it was small so they didn’t think much of it at first, just that it was space junk. But then they noticed that the area around it was, and I quote, ‘bananas with quintessence.’ So they contacted the ship and when it answered,” Keith took this moment to take a sip of cheap wine. 

Lance wondered if he was trying to kill him with anticipation. “Who was it?”

“Allura and Lotor, Lance. Allura and Lotor are alive and coming back to Earth.”

“That’s amazing!” Lance said.

“Yeah! It’s great.”

“You don’t seem too happy about it.” 

Keith quickly corrected his disposition. “No! I’m definitely happy that they’re alive. No question there. It’s just that, well, we’re just now having our first date. And now Allura’s coming back. It’s stupid. I’m being stupid. And selfish. I’m obviously relieved they’re okay and that you two-”

“Wait,” Lance ordered, snaking his hand over Keith’s mouth. “You think I’m going to get back with Allura?”

Keith nodded and blinked tears out of his eyes. He pulled his face away from Lance’s hand. “Yeah. You guys really loved each other. You even said it on your first date.”

Lance sat back down sighing, “Allura was in love with the idea of me. She thought I was cute and that being in a relationship with me was better than being alone. But I don’t think she was in love with me.”

“You don’t?”

“Plus, Coran never would have approved. Apparently Allura deserved better than me or something. The idea is insulting. Allura deserves whoever she wants.”

Keith reached across the table and took Lance’s hand. “Thanks, Loverboy.”

“Oh my god, Lotor’s never going to let me hear the end of it. When Allura dumped his ass in a quintessence field, he rebounded with an Altean army! When she dumped my ass to save the universe, I become a farmer? How lame is that?”

“Don’t worry,” Keith comforted, “Pidge says Allura and Lotor will be here in about three days. That gives us three days to get your life together. We got this.”


End file.
